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an article by Patricia J. Priest, Ph.D.

The phone call from the producer usually comes from out of the blue.

Suddenly, you're asked to share your tragic experience, grief, or nightmare with millions. Talk show participants often take that big step into the national spotlight with very little information to guide them through the decision-making process and through negotiations with friendly but persistent producers. I have interviewed forty talk show guests who talked on TV about rape and incest, AIDS, and other personal subjects. These helpful folks passed along tips they wish they had known before rather abruptly finding themselves on stage, prodded by producers to "give 'em a good show." I have assembled this material to better prepare you if you decide to participate on the uneven, slippery playing field of the daytime television talk show.

Deciding Whether to Participate
The decision to appear on a talk show is a very personal one. Don't let producers convince you to participate, as they very likely will try to do, because "this will help other people." This article is designed to help you do some serious reflection to determine whether appearing is right for YOU. Here's my best advice: Ask lots of questions--of producers and of yourself.

• If you are feeling very fragile, and speaking about the subject is still very difficult, it is probably best to turn down the producer's offer. Remember you can always decide to talk to the media about the subject at some later date, when you're even stronger.

• It's helpful to make a list of the pros and cons of disclosing about your topic on TV. Your list of the disadvantages might include the names and possible reactions of particular people who might see the program or hear about it from others. Take time and care to think of these potentially negative outcomes and then see if you can live with them.

Any advice you are given by "experts" on the show is usually quite superficial. What may feel therapeutic, though, is that you bravely stepped forward to shake the audience's complacency about the important topic you know of first-hand. Weigh the risks carefully, however, especially the loss of privacy. (People may forever after identify you by a single label such as "rape survivor" and may want to discuss this topic--or other personal topics!-- with you at inopportune times or even years later, when you would prefer to put the subject behind you.)

Weigh the Risks Carefully

• Be especially cautious about appearing if family dysfunctions are the focus of the show. Although episodes about topics such as incest can serve as valuable ways to educate the public, the backlash from family members can be devastating. While you may feel ready to confront or accuse your abuser, a public confrontation is a big step that is best taken after lengthy soul-searching about the timing, place, and nature of this emotionally loaded encounter.

• It's okay to let producers know you need time to think about your decision. They may be on deadline and need a quick response, but stall at least a couple of hours while you mull over the decision and get in touch with people you trust to ask their opinion.

• Don't be afraid to ask the producers questions and to set your limits. They'll probably think you're experienced and savvy.

• Negotiations with Producers: (Or, what producers won't tell you) Producers are the engines of a talk show. The producer in charge of the particular episode (and his or her assistants) may interview you repeatedly to gather information about your case. Most important, find out what spin or slant producers are putting on the topic. You can often get a good sense for this by asking for the working title of the program. For example, they may be planning a talk show episode or news story on rape, but the focus may be on men who have been falsely accused.

• You'll find that producers essentially cast panelists like they are casting a play. They're often looking for someone to play what they think of as the role of the victim. You can decide whether you mind that role and, better yet, whether you can transcend that limited role despite the sensationalism. Producers may have a melodramatic, tear-jerking role in mind for you. You might ask, "What do you want or need from me?" Bear in mind that producers' main task is to create drama and conflict. One woman told me a producer asked her if her daughter could cry on cue. You will need to be especially cautious with this sort of staff member--and the show they represent.

• Find out who else will be a guest on the program and ask producers to inform you of any changes in the line-up or focus of the show. You can specify that certain people, such as an abusive parent or other victimizer, be barred from the panel. (If they promise but then violate this by adding an objectionable panelist at the last minute, you can leave the stage or refuse to participate--even though they have paid for your airfare and hotel room.)

• Ask what label they're thinking of giving you (the on-screen description that floats just below panelists' chins). Let producers know you'd like to play an active role in determining what it will say. They may not, however, respect your wishes -- and you may only find out when the show is being beamed across the country.

• While producers and reporters may seem perfectly trustworthy, always look out for yourself. As one woman told me, "No one in the media really cares about anyone. It's a story for them." Be especially careful about telling them things off the record or in preliminary interviews that you do not want a broader audience to hear.

• Talk shows almost never pay for you to take along a companion, but you can very legitimately ask anyway. Having a supportive and trusted friend to lean on both before and after the show is a great comfort. You may be able to negotiate with the staff to at least pay for a long-distance call to a friend or therapist while you're away from your support systems for the show taping. (And then have a game plan so that a friend is reachable in case you're upset before or after the show.) Producers usually won't mind if you bring a friend along at your own expense. If you really want to get on the show: Keep your answers lively and brief when producers call and remember that they're making decisions about whether to cast you in the role they are fashioning.

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