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Remembering, Remembrances, and Memorials:
    Thinking About the Terrorist Attacks of September 11, 2001

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"The worst thing about grief is the length of time during which the experience lasts. For the first weeks one is in a state of shock. But the agony lasts long after the state of shock comes to an end. After a year, or about two, the agony gives way to a dull ache, a sort of void. During the night in one's dreams, and in the morning when one wakes, one is vaguely aware that something is wrong and, when waking is complete, one knows exactly what it is."
- "A Sparrow's Flight," Lord Hailsham of St. Marylebone

There is often a silent moment in people's lives given over to terrible loss - a moment at sunset, in late firelight, at the crack of dawn. At such times, melancholy becomes a part of life - grieving for losses that render us too sorrowful to weep.

It has almost become trite to say that the attacks on September 11th caused the United States of America a loss of innocence. For truly, we lost our innocence long before those attacks. Individual crime victims lost and still lose their innocence every day. The pain and courage of the 9/11 survivors, victims, rescuers, and responders that was given cinemascope coverage since September 2001 are no different than the pain of survivors of domestic terrorism in our homes, or the courage of firefighters who daily fight wildfire blazes and home invasions, or the courage of law enforcement officers who respond to drug-related street shootings, or the pain of victims of violence in our streets, or the awesome pain and courage of responders who seek to mitigate and relieve the pain of others. But still the stunned disbelief of that day haunts all of the citizens of the United States no matter what their race, religious beliefs, profession or political beliefs.

It is hard to compose adequate thoughts to commemorate the impact of those attacks. But it is important to commemorate. Commemoration helps to address the rupture of emotions within individuals and the isolation that individuals often feel between themselves and others. It provides a chance for communication and dialogue. It also provides a basis for testimony on which legacies can be established.

It should be understood at the outset that there are quite different methods of commemoration. Everyone should choose their own pathways of commemoration and others should respect that choice.

For some, a silent prayer, a silent thought, a sympathetic silence throughout the day may commemorate the time and place of tragedy.

For others, remembering may be a more conscious, purposeful process - thinking about what might have been. Remembering involves memories of wonderful, joyous, and happy times. But for many, remembering brings on a cataract of tears because in memory is grief. Remembering is always bittersweet. But remembering does not have to be public - perhaps the most painful of memories are always private because they occur in daydreams or at night and are never able to be explained to others.

Remembrances are different from memories because they take on significance among family members, friends, and community members. Remembrances can be symbolized through offerings of faith in faith communities, recitations of memories with family members, artistic renderings - poems, stories, music, and the like - bringing forth not only the immortality of the person commemorated, but the commemorating of the stabbing moment when life changed because of the tragedy.

Memorials are the most public of commemorations. And, in that, there is a blessing and a curse. The blessing comes from personal affirmation that comes from the knowledge that others have an understanding of the common pattern of pain and heartache. The curse comes from the fact that no one grieves in the same way or at the same time, and, therefore, for many people, memorials can cause them to feel even more isolated.

So, what to do? Remember, offer remembrances, or participate in memorials?

We offer a bulletin board for people to choose their own method of commemoration.

Remember in the corners of dreams and thoughts - and in silence.

Record memories on the page that reflect moments, reactions, or thoughts about September 11th, about loved ones, or life changes, or journeys that have been taken because of September 11th.

Tell about memorials that seemed appropriate and comforting.

We offer this page for remembering, remembrances and memorials.

Nothing can make up for the absence of someone whom we love, and it would be wrong to try to find a substitute; we must simply hold out and see it through. That sounds very hard at first, but at the same time, it is a great consolation, for the gap, as long as it remains unfilled, preserves the bonds between us. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap; He does not fill it, but on the contrary, keeps it empty and so helps us to keep alive our former communion with each other, even at the cost of pain. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer