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“The worst thing about grief is the length of time during which the experience lasts. For the first weeks one is in a state of shock. But the agony lasts long after the state of shock comes to an end. After a year, or about two, the agony gives way to a dull ache, a sort of void. During the night in one’s dreams, and in the morning when one wakes, one is vaguely aware that something is wrong and, when waking is complete, one knows exactly what it is.” ~ Lord Halisham of St. Marylebone, A Sparrow’s Flight.

The survivors of loved ones who died as a result of Hurricane Katrina or from the incidents of criminal behavior in its aftermath are often not only overwhelmed by the sudden loss but also the manner of death. Grief is complicated by reactions that are volcanic in nature – throwing the survivors back and forth between different emotions and feelings.

Denial and shock are manifested in confusion, avoidance, and refusal to acknowledge death. When people are missing, when their bodies have not been identified or found, when there is the anguished possibility that they never will be found, the sense of loss is compounded. Each day that goes by is a nightmare revisited. Shock doesn’t last for a few moments or a few days – it is repetitively experienced as survivors realize the deep hole in their life that will never be repaired.

Intermittent crying, heart pain, weakness, nausea, insomnia, and loss of appetite often occur.

Routine is lost, daily concerns of yesterday seem remote and unimportant.

Physical numbness is compounded by emotional numbness in an attempt to avoid the intensity of sorrow and despair.

People who survive as victims of the hurricane may remember their terror at their helplessness and their fear of dying. People who are survivors of those who died or are missing often are besieged with feelings of dread, horror and guilt.

Body aches, stomach and intestinal pain, muscle tension, sleep disruption and nightmares, and appetite changes may occur.

For those who have loved ones missing, there is the fear of the ultimate knowledge that those loved ones have died. If there are no bodies found or no way to identify someone who is missing, there may be a lingering fear that “giving up hope” is a betrayal of the person missing. Horror results from witnessing such total destruction of the seemingly indestructible communities where they lived and the certain deaths of so many in the immediate path of the hurricane and the dangers left behind in its wake. It also is the consequence of imagining what loved ones experienced as they died. Agonizing questions may plague survivors, like: Did they know they were going to die? Did they live for a while after being injured and die while hoping for rescue? Were they in pain? Was it a quick or slow death? In most cases these questions can never be answered and the lack of knowledge for survivors may haunt them for months or years.

Some survivors may experience extreme anger at what has happened or others’ responses to the tragedy.

They may want to avenge the death of their loved ones. There may be a desire for revenge or blame. An intense need for retribution may overwhelm them. They may never have thought seriously about the concept of evil and may never have felt such intensity of rage.

There may be some who, for the first time, are having feelings of anger at their God or hatred for the perpetrators of violence in the hurricane’s aftermath.

Anger may be directed at their God or higher being or at those involved in the criminal acts that followed the hurricane, but it also can be directed at others – government agencies or institutions that should have prevented some of the destruction or devastation or been better prepared to respond in its aftermath, law enforcement or helping agencies or organizations that weren’t or aren’t able to help.

Anger and irritability may also be directed at those closest to the survivors. Even friends and family members may not seem to understand each other and may feel that their natural support system is intrusive because the people within it are grieving or responding in a different way.

Despair often accompanies the horror and anger.

Survivors may experience depression.

They experience an inability to think or act. Often there is a loss of concentration when talking or trying to do simple things.

The sleeplessness that often accompanies the anxiety or faceless fears may turn into a lethargy resulting from exhaustion but also caused by the sense of hopelessness and the meaninglessness of living.

There may be an urge to recover what was lost, but with a recognition that there can be no recovery.

It is not unusual over time for survivors to withdraw from the demands of everyday life. They may feel detached emotionally from all that is going on around them. They may also find that what were once meaningful or pleasurable activities have no value to them anymore.

Despite the swirl of emotions, events and physical exhaustion, survivors will begin the process of building a new way of life even while mourning the destruction of their old way of life.

There is no way to predict the length of the grieving process. For many, this process will be extended due to the trauma of the hurricane’s impact and the seemingly slow response for rescue and shelter in its aftermath. It may also be extended due to the length of time that occurs between the hurricane and the final identification of someone who has been missing. It can be extended due to the feelings of a need for justice in the resulting criminal incidents, which cannot be satisfied until the perpetrators are identified and accounted for.

It is hard to begin to think about a future that will not include loved ones who are gone. Often a sense of that future and a plan for that future is created a little at a time, day-by-day.

• At first, the important thing is to plan how one can get through the next twenty-four hours – what must be done for children, pets, family members, or friends – what must be done about work or at home or what is left of it, if anything – the needs that must be met for survival.
   
• Getting through life a day at a time is difficult. It is complicated by the fact that, for many, the demands of planning or participating in funerals, memorials, or deciding what is the appropriate way to mark the missing or dead person’s life are immediate. Survivors will often feel compelled to participate in local, state, or national memorial ceremonies. They may feel pressure to have personal memorials or funerals for missing persons even though the death has not been officially confirmed.
   
• As time goes on, survivors can begin to think about what will happen in the next week or month – events that will be happening that affect their lives. Are there important personal events – like children’s or loved ones’ birthdays? Are there routine activities which survivors participated in before the hurricane that need to be resumed? Are there work-related demands that must be met? Creating a plan of action for dealing with those demands can be of great importance in helping people get through those weeks.
   
• Survivors should gradually begin to think about a more distant future, such as how to deal with long-term financial issues, who will do the things that the missing or dead person did at home or at work, holidays that will occur this fall, what will be done with the belongings of the missing or deceased, and so on.

Many survivors find comfort in their religion and their spiritual beliefs.

Spiritual leaders can often be helpful in exploring questions of faith.

• Spiritual sanctuaries can sometimes provide feelings of safety and security.
   
• Prayer can be a form of crisis intervention, for it is often a way of telling one’s story to God.
   
• Rituals can be a source of reassuring routines as well as a way of integrating old traditions with new traditions that may be created as a result of a loved one’s death.
   
• Those who do not have a faith system or established spiritual beliefs may find it helpful to explore what makes life meaningful for them and others.

Survivors should be encouraged to remember that the relationship they had with their loved one shaped their life before and will continue to shape their view of the world.

“It is often said that something may survive of a person after his death, if that person was an artist and put a little of himself into his work. It is perhaps in the same way that a sort of cutting taken from one person and grafted onto the heart of another continues to carry on its existence even when the person from whom it had been detached has perished.” -Marcel Proust, Remembrance of Things Past, translated by C.K. Scott Moncrieff

They see the world, in part, through the eyes of their loved one. Many survivors find themselves saying to themselves, “I know he or she would want me to do this.” They carry forward a part of that person in the way they live.

They can continue to live in relationship to their loved one by remembering their perspectives, their joys, and their sorrows.

They can take advantage of their memories by maintaining communication through journals or letters to loved ones – or talk to them when they need to. They can think about what they want people to know about their loved ones’ lives and talk to others about it.

Coping With Hurricane Katrina & Rita:
For those who have an immediate involvement with people who have been killed or injured, the following may be useful:

NOVA's Hurricane Katrina & Rita Response & Information: